Thursday, November 30, 2006

In trouble....Again

Dearest readers of my blog,

It seems that Garhuckle has gotten himself into a spot of bother, due to the fact that he stole a can of corned beef. (I still have no idea why anyone would want to eat corned beef, but I guess he has no tastebuds) Also, I believe that Paula has gotten herself a stalker, however, we managed to shake him loose, as Ouga has got himself a watermelon to put on the end of his stick with which he bonks people on the head with.It was with this weapon that he "got rid" of Paula's admirers. Unfortunatly, one of the people he has concussed, was the Greek dictator mr Agamennon, or Agi, as he is more commonly known. Now although he is a terrible leader, and keeps saying that we should all glue ourselves to the carpet, the people for some reason got upset that we concussed thier leader, and as a result are now out to get us.

Charlie told me to go and find Garhuckle, and bring him to the outrigger,However, i found him already there, cowering in the false bottom of the Shikara, which was once used to smuggle Ouga off Jackaland. After Paula had returned, with corned beef(???),fizzy drinks, and other edible items,we boarded the boat. (that is to say, Charlie,Paula, Ouga and I boarded the boat) I had to fend off the number of adoring fans of Paula, who didn't want her to leave, and also the number of adoring fans of Agamennon, who wanted to murder Ouga. Lucky I brought that lampshade.

Yours, Annoyed-with-this-sticky-keyboard
Alyss

Monday, November 27, 2006

Huh? What Happened?

Dear faithfull peoples,

I woke up from my pancake-filled, guava induced coma today, to find myself somewhere in greece, in a hospital, being fed jelly by a strange person in a large hat. They appeared to be a hospital worker. I asked them if they knew where my friends were, and she/he/it (I can't tell) said in somewhat broken english that Garhuckle (although she/he/it called him " that funny gentleman") had been here a while ago, but had gone down to the cornerstore to find some corned beef. Why anyone would want to eat corned beef I will never know. She/he/it also said that a "goddess/magician/prostitute/prophet had been to see me, and had apparently talked to me, but got frustrated when she discovered all I could say was 'pancakes'. this took me some time to figure out who she meant, then I realised that it must be Paula. Iust as I was contemplating this, a strange sight wandered into the room; it was Charlie, carrying Ouga on her back. She didn't actually make it into my room, as the hospital worker forced her out, complaining of Ouga's smell. so Charlie just shouted at me from the door, asking if I was ok, and if I was still talking about pancakes. I told her I was ok, and can talk about other things now, then I explained about my Guava allergies.
It is nice to have someone to talk to, after all these pancake-filled nights.

yours, should-be-fine-now,
Alyss

To The Rescue!

My dear and (hopefully) loyal followers,

As you would know,(if you have been following my blog) that the odd ones in the boat are in a spot of bother. They could not see the coming dangers, so I decided that I would rescue them from the boat. To do this, I would have to some how pick up them all at once,(don't ask me how, I hadn't thought of that..I suppose I could use the lampshade...) and carry them to the nearest landmass. This plan could have worked, except that I was hit on the head with a guava(????) presumably the little man called Ouga had hit me with it, and was fored to make a crash landing.

Unfortunatly, I happen to be allergic to guavas, thrown or otherwise, and this allergic reaction makes me think only of pancakes, whilst slipping in and out of a coma. However, there is a good bit to my condition. It makes my wings become waterproof, and I become very, very light, which would be handy if anyone was drowning. I also gain the ability to be able to stay under water for long periods at a time. this is possibly a condition that i inherited from my water-bird ancestors.

yours, sleepily(and strangly, wet.)
Alyss

(lucky my bag is water-proof, heat-proof and dirt-proof, or my lap-top may not have survived this strangly wet and pancake-filled journey)

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

What has happened to the odd people?

To my esteemed readers,

What has happened to the strange people (or The Odd Ones, as I fondly call them)? they are usually so animated, yet now all is silent, except for the occasional arguing about whose turn it is on the laptop. they could have asked to borrow mine, as I would have been quite willing to let them borrow it, so long as they do not harm it in any way, lest I be forced to inflict damage apon thier persons. it is getting quite boring without thier hilarious arguments to keep me from going insane. perhaps my presence has scared them a little....... or perhaps they have spotted the smudge on the horizen, and seen it for what it really is, a mass of canoe-eating water snakes, which act like land on the horizen, to fool unsuspecting canoe-goers.

anyway, if they need my help, for whatever reason, the only have to call.

also, i have been reading the blog of the one they call "Charlie Pucker" and have decided to leave a comment on her blog, to warn them of the coming snakes.

yours puzzled,
Alyss

Finally

To my most loyal readers,

Well, I have finally made it. To the outside world I mean. Yes, you have guessed correctly, I have in fact escaped my prison of the Californian zoo.

read on and I shall tell you about it.

after I (unsucsessfully) attempted to get the lion to help me escape, I started to hatch my own plan. I worked out that I could get the pengine (you know the one that can get anyone anything?) to steal the keys for me, and after i had the keys, it would be just a matter of smuggling myself out. For this, i would need some help. Fortunatly, help came in the form of a giant walking, talking Cactus, named Sanchez. with my new found friend and a bag full of important things such as food and my laptop, and also full of some unimportant things, such as a lampshade and a t.v remote control, I set off into the unknown of the world. however, we didn't make it very far without Sanchez having to go back because he needed to go to the toilet. I said I would wait for him, and was still waiting three hours later. I decided that he must have chickened out, and left a note for him saying that I had gone without him, under a squirell, in case he came back.

My travels eventually took me to the sea, and upon setting sights on it, I had decided to fly over it until I reached the end of it's vast exspanses. however, I had not been flying for much over a week, when i heard the most terrible bickering from down below me. i looked down to the water, and was most astonished to see a little boat, with four people on it. ( I say people, yet they were behaving in a most feral manner.) I came to the decision that these people were in trouble, and changed my mission from finding the end of the ocean, to watching the odd people. if anything, they made me laugh.

Yours humorously,
Alyss

Thursday, November 16, 2006

Escape!......or not

Welcome readers,

My "talk" with the lion about escape was not sucsessfull. I did however find out some very interesting pieces of gossip. for example, the giraffe is a major druggie, that's why he looks spaced out all the time. He gets his drugs from patricia, the penguin, who, it is said can get you anything. I also learnt that the poor old polar bear has malaria, and the mosquito that gave it to him, is currently feeding off the water buffalo. ( you would have thought it would have died of over eating). However, I am getting side tracked. my main reason i am writing this is to say that i have decided to stay where i am for the moment and hope someone rescues me.

Yours side-tracked
Alyss

P.S Rescue me!

P.P.S Now!

Hello

Hello my dear friends (and/or enemies)


My name (in case you havn't guessed) is Alyss Flite. I am currently living in a zoo in California
This is because they think I am a freak. I guess they have a point, because to them a human/bird hybrid would seem pretty strange. However, they are pretty funny-lookin' too.

still, regardless of how strange I am, they could at least make my cage a bit more comfy. I mean, the only reason they let me get this Lap top is because i threatened to kill myself. they wouldn't care about me except that I bring so many people who hve tons of money, to the zoo.

Hmph
Yours Grumpily
Alyss

Note to self: remember to talk to that shifty-looking lion about escape.